Birthmother 101: Meeting the Adoptive Parents

There is a lot of time and effort put into placing your baby with the right family. You've gone over profile after profile till finally you have your choices narrowed down. It can be a huge relief to have this part behind you, until you realize now it is time to meet.

Try not to let this get you too stressed. Remember that this part of adoption is nerve-wracking for everyone. Here are a few tidbits of insight to help you prepare for your first meeting.

Stay Natural

You are looking to make a connection with the potential adoptive parents, so it is important to be yourself. They are just as nervous as you because they are also trying to make a good first impression. They are not there to judge you, they are there to get to know you and to show you that they are trustworthy. The more open and calm you can try to be, hopefully the more open and calm they will be. This sets a better tone for getting to know each other. Remember that this will be a lifelong commitment on everyone's part, so you are really seeking a genuine connection. If you don't feel it, don't worry. You will know when you met the right connection.

Choose a Setting

Think about neutral locations where you will feel comfortable. Try to pick a meeting place that will help you feel most relaxed, like your favorite restaurant or shop. Meeting at the prospective family's home or even your home can cause more feelings of pressure, which is why a neutral location is best. If the conversation goes awry or if it is difficult to break the ice, a public meeting will also give you more to talk about. Small talk may seem trivial, but it helps to make everyone comfortable and can lead to more meaningful discussion.

Ask Plenty of Questions

The birthmother is really in command of these initial meetings. It is ultimately up to you if you choose this family or the next, so feel free to ask as many questions as you want. Based on their family profile, try to get a better feel for who these people are and what they have to offer. You can even think of this as a job interview. The job opening is for someone who will provide the best future for your baby and you are the interviewer. When you are preparing for the meeting, it can be helpful to write down a list of questions as you think of them. Use information from their family profile to dig a little deeper.

The most important thing to do in preparing for this first meeting is to remind yourself that it is up to you. If you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to choose this family. Adoption is not an easy process and ensuring you're placing your baby with the right family can be the hardest part. Take your time, don't stress, and remember that you are in control of the situation.