When we are speaking to our children about adoption it is important to consider their feelings before we set the tone of the words we use. For many children, in spite of making every effort to make them feel like they never belonged anywhere more than their adoptive households, there is still curiosity into what came before their adoption.
In any adoption, open or closed, it is important to use positive language with your child about their adoption. Stifling their curiosity about their birthparents or the adoption process, can create feelings of unrest for them. Make sure you encourage and engage the questions they have with sensitivity and respect, rather than dismissal. If your children are younger, there are ways to illustrate the adoption. There are also plenty of children’s books that are tailored to very young ages that discuss adoption to their particular stage of development.
There are also many resources and professionals who specialize in adoption conversations and family counseling. If you are struggling to articulate the conversations you’d like to have with your adoptive child and meet them at their level of understanding, be sure to seek out those resources who can mediate your feelings of angst and help you with your approach.