Many families who have adopted a child have the privilege to be in an open adoption with a lot of ongoing communication. This provides so many benefits to both the parents and the child. However, no matter how close of a bond birth parents and adoptive parents may have, some things may be left unsaid.
Studies show that of domestic adoptions in the United States, 55% of adoptions are open adoptions, 45% are semi-open, while 5% are completely closed.
Below are some of the things most birth parents wish they could tell adoptive parents.
We Do Not Plan To Come Take The Child Back
There are many reasons for birth parents to choose adoption. They take their time to find the perfect mother and father to care for this innocent baby and give them the life they deserve. Attempting to take the child back would disrupt the child’s life and undo all their hard work.
We Want You to Keep Your Promises
Do not agree to anything just to get a baby. Make sure you really think about any promises you make prior to making them. Birth parents understand the desire for adoptive parents to finally receive their blessing, but they do not want adoptive parents to make empty promises. You are expected to follow through on promises you make.
We’re Human, Too
After a baby is born and the adoptive parents take him/her home, the birth mother goes home alone. No one is coming to check in on her, bring her dinner, or love on a newborn. Reach out with a phone call to ensure the birth mother is doing okay, eating, and taking care of herself. She just gave you a piece of her, the least you can do is make her feel important after placement, not just during.
We Want to Get to Know You
Birth parents love hearing all about your child, seeing pictures of them growing, and hearing about all of the new things they are learning. But birth parents want to get to know you, too. Once the adoption is finalized, the two of you become family on some level. Birth parents want to get to know the adoptive parents.
We Will Support You
As your child grows, they often learn about being adopted. Should you find yourself in a situation where you hear those 4 heartbreaking words, “you’re not my mom/dad”, birth parents are there to back you up. They want to assure you that regardless of words said, you are that child’s parent no matter what.
Keep Us in the Loop
If you share a cute photo of your child on social media or even privately with a friend, share the photo with the birth mother too. No one is going to love and appreciate the photo like the birth parents. If your relationship and adoption terms allow for it, send the photo.
