When a child is placed for adoption, it is inevitable that they will have questions you simply cannot answer. Your child will want some kind of understanding about why their birth parents chose not to keep them. Hearing the story from their birth parents will be heard differently than the same story heard over and over from you and agency counselors.
Remain Calm and Rational
As an adoptive parent, you likely feel many emotions regarding your child meeting their birth mother and father, and that is okay. But it is important to remember that as adoptive parents, you will never truly be your child’s only set of parents.
It is natural for adopted children to have a desire to seek out their natural parents when open adoption is not their reality. When these desires come about, it terrifies many adoptive parents to their core. Out of fear of losing their child, many adoptive parents bribe, beg or even threaten their child into not seeking out their biological parents.
It is important to know that these desires will never go away, they will only grow with the more resistance you put up. Open and honest communication about the birth parents is imperative for a healthy relationship between you and your child. If the biological parent(s) of your child poses a threat to their well-being, communicate that. Be open and honest if the birth parents are drug abusers, unfit, or even sick.
Children often spend years wondering things like where they come from or if there are any health concerns to be aware of. By allowing a meeting between the birth parents and your child, you are allowing them so much more than you could imagine. There are some things only a biological parent can answer.
Many fears run through adoptive parents’ minds when the thought of their child seeking out their biological parents comes about. The most common fear among adoptive parents is that if the child meets their birth parents, they will want to stay and live with them instead. There are probably several other fears running through your mind when you think of the possibility of a meeting.
Adoptive parents have resources available through the agency the adoption was completed. Support groups are available to put you in contact with other adoptive parents. By joining, you allow yourself to talk with other adoptive parents that may have been in the same place you are now. They can give advice and help you through difficult times.
It is important to ensure honest communication and empathy for your child’s feelings. Your child will never stop looking, and in this day and age, it is not hard to find someone through the use of the internet. This is a scary part of their world they are trying to navigate, do not make them navigate it alone.