Your First Meeting With a Birthmother – What to Ask?

When it comes to adopting a child, there aren't many situations more stressful than meeting a birthmother for the first time. But don't worry! We have crafted a small guide to help you with the process. Knowing what questions to ask your birthmother in advance can be extremely beneficial in helping the conversation flow and helping you connect.

One thing to keep in mind is that the stress you might feel is natural for both sets of parents. The birthmother will likely also be nervous, so just stay calm and help both of you ease into the initial meeting. To help ease this process, Angel Adoption has compiled a list of questions every adoptive parent should ask a birthmother.

Questions to get the conversation going:

• When is the due date?
• How are you feeling?
• When did you start thinking about adoption?
• Tell me about the birth father?
• How does the birth father feel about adoption?
• How did you choose Angel Adoption?
• How do your parents feel about your pregnancy and adoption?
• What plans do you have after placement? (school, work, etc)
• What is your favorite subject in school?
• What are your hobbies?

These questions are personal and attentive. They show that you truly care about her life both during her pregnancy and after, and that you are solely interested in getting to know her better. Notice the appropriateness of the questions. They do not overstep any boundaries, nor do they imply any assumptions you have made before the meeting.

Of course you may have other questions we did not mention. Run these by your adoption coordinator or adoption social worker before asking. They can help you decide whether the questions are appropriate, or help you rephrase them if needed. Personal questions pertaining to how she became pregnant or why the birthfather is out of the picture should never be handled by the adoptive parents, but only by the adoption social worker.

At the end of the talk, ask the birthmother if there is anything you haven't touched on. This simple question can result in valuable information you have not considered. Should you need any assistance preparing for a meeting with a birthmother, or just have questions about baby adoption, our door is always open. We look forward to making your dream of adoption a reality!