Adoption is a very emotional time for everyone involved, especially birthmothers. There are emotional ups and downs every step of the way. It can sometimes be confusing and frustrating to try dealing with so many different emotions, but it is important to remember that it is all normal.
You are not alone in your mixed feelings. There are resources to help you along this journey that can give you some peace of mind during the tough days and reinforce you on the good ones.
Making the Choice
The initial decision to choose adoption can be a difficult one, riddled with a wide range of emotions all at the same time. There can be a sense of relief in knowing that the baby will enjoy a life being well-provided for, a sense of guilt in that you are not in a situation to care for a child, and even a sense of fear surrounding the imminent arrival of the baby. You should never feel pressured one way or another when you are deciding adoption or not, so take the time that you need to sort through all of your different feelings. Talk to other birthmothers about their thoughts and experiences. There are so many different reasons why birthmothers may choose adoption, and they are all very personal and equally significant. Try not to be hard on yourself as you make the best decision for you and the baby.
Once you’ve decided on adoption, the process itself can be very stressful. Choosing the right adoptive parents can take time and may have many discouraging moments. Many birthmothers feel an enormous amount of pressure about making the perfect choice, but no one deserves to be put in that kind of a position. Again, take the time that you need and trust in your own feelings. It is a big decision, but try not to overthink it to a point that it becomes completely daunting. You may choose a family profile and find out that you don’t like them in person. You may change your mind a few times. This is all very normal.
After the Birth
Once the baby is born, a lot of birthmothers have very different reactions. This may usher in new feelings of relief or fear, happiness or grief, and complex combinations of all of the above. It is ok to feel confused. At least at this point most of the hardest decisions are over and you can look forward to getting back to other aspects of your life that bring you happiness and comfort. Ultimately, the vast majority of birthmothers find great joy and satisfaction in their choice of adoption. It is important to note that birthmothers are at risk for depression, so if any of your many emotions is making it hard for you to cope and move forward, seek a doctor’s help.
Adoption is a complex journey of twists and turns, ups and downs. Birthmothers go through a range of tough emotions that may cause a lot of confusion at times. Remember, if at any point you feel overwhelmed, please ask a professional for guidance. You don’t need to suffer in silence.