Many hopeful adoptive parents begin to plan their financial affairs, research adoption agencies, and read up on open adoption after deciding that they wish to expand their families through adoption. The most common question in the minds of such prospective adoptive parents when they draft their adoption profile is: what are birth mothers looking for in adoptive parents?
You obviously can’t help but be curious about the qualities the birth parents require or how you can help the birthmother connect with you on a much deeper level through your profile. This is a common concern of almost all prospective adoptive parents. When asking, “What do birth mothers look for in adoptive parents?” it is also very important to ask, “How can our adoption profile be different from everyone else’s?”
In all honesty, it is the wish of every birthmother to have a deep sense of connection with the adoptive parents and a sense of assurance that the new home her child will live in is a home that will love and cherish her child forever. However, apart from these basic needs, every mother has her own unique needs.
A birth mother may wish to give her baby to a couple with other kids so that her baby grows up having siblings. Or, she might choose a couple with no kids so her child can have all their love and attention. She may want a new family living in the same state as herself, or even a different one. She might even prefer a working mom or a stay-at-home mom.
It is imperative that you present yourself and your values honestly to birth mothers since there is no set formula for what they need. Below are some tips that can help:
You should take the time to consider how you will grow your family when indicating your preferences. If you are not genuinely excited about adopting a child with special medical needs, for instance, a birth mother will sense this. Being open to more situations can make you more likely to be chosen by a birth mother. Honesty is key. Discuss this honestly with yourself, your partner, and your adoption coordinator.
A Positive Attitude
It is very important to maintain a positive attitude towards the adoption process. When speaking with a birth mother, using positive language can make a world of difference.
Placing your child for adoption is difficult. You should let her know that you appreciate her decision to place her child for adoption, as well as that you understand how difficult it must have been for her.
Furthermore, it is important to tell your family and friends how excited you are about adopting a child. A friend of a friend might know someone who is dealing with an unexpected pregnancy and thinking about adoption.
The Adoptive Parent’s Profile
Don’t be afraid to show off your personality and values. Your goal is to let the birth mother see her child growing up in your home. When a birth mother sees your profile, you never know what might spark a connection, and you want that connection to be sincere.
If needed, your adoption professional will provide you with tips on creating your profile, and you may be asked to update it periodically. Don’t take this personally. The adoption coordinators or professionals know the birth mothers well due to their experience.
Don’t be afraid to let your day-to-day life speak for itself. Share what you like to do on a rainy Saturday afternoon, like making popcorn and watching a movie. Don’t take any little detail for granted. What you consider as being little might be all that is required to create that special connection a birth mother is seeking.