When Problems Occur with Birthparents

Problems with BirthparentsWhile an open adoption certainly has its many benefits, occasionally there are rough spots and road blocks. Your relationship with your child’s birthparents may be great in the beginning, but sometimes problems develop. This is not always the case, but it can happen, so it’s always better to be prepared.
An adoption is an emotional journey and it can leave a different impact on each individual, so it’s quite normal to deal with emotional and psychological issues after the process. When problems occur with birthparents, you should try to communicate openly. If that’s not an option, you should seek help through counseling.

Birthparents Pulling Back

One of the most difficult periods for everyone involved in an adoption process is the first year after the adoption. During this period, problems with birthparents may occur. Sometimes, it’s difficult for them because they may be struggling with their feelings of grief and loss. Maybe it’s too hard for them to see or hear about their child or adoptive parents and they want to step back for a while. This situation can be hard for all involved, but do your best to try to understand how birthparents are feeling. You can offer your support, but don’t push too hard or else you risk straining the relationship even more.

Birthparents Wanting to be More Involved

Within the first few months or year of placement, birthparents may become demanding or needy. They may insist on more contact with their child or with you than you had originally agreed upon. If you’re not comfortable with this increased level of contact, you should talk to birthparents to reestablish healthy boundaries. Make a plan about visits and calls and other forms of contact. Sometimes, it’s hard to define the role of birthparents after the adoption, but it’s important to remain flexible flexible and negotiate changes as best you can since it’s important that you do what is best for your child.

You Want to Cut Down on Communication

Your situation is going to change as you move on through life. You may even find yourself cutting back on contact with birthparents. It all depends on how your life changes. This may just happen naturally over time, but sometimes you might want a quicker change. If you want less communication or contact with your child’s birthparents, you owe it to them to talk with them about it first. If they don’t agree with it, think about what compromises you can make so that both parties can be happy with the new arrangement.

They Want to Cut Down on Communication

Your birthparents’ lives are also going to change as time moves on, and you’ll need to accept that. They might wish to change the level of contact and communication they have with your child, or you might notice it happen gradually. You can always renegotiate the terms of contact and communication, but in doing so, remember that you always need to do what is best for your child.

Communication Stops Abruptly

If your birthparents stop answering your calls and letters and you don’t hear from them at all, you should try calling someone from their family to ask for information about them. It’s important that your child has healthy communication with the birthparents, so try to find out where they are or any possible information about their lives. Sometimes, for any number of reasons, birthparents simply decide to move on with their lives and cut communication altogether. For the benefit of all involved, we recommend doing your best to maintain the relationship; however, realize that, despite your best efforts, sometimes there’s nothing more you can do.

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Angel Adoption, Inc. provides marketing and advertising services that assist biological parents considering adoption and prospective adoptive parents to connect with each other, and provides support and referral services throughout the process. Angel Adoption, Inc. is an independent contractor and provides services under the supervision of Lutheran Child and Family Services of Illinois, License #012998, One Oakbrook Terrace, #501, Oakbrook Terrace, IL 60181; 708-771-7180.