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What to Do When You Have Problems with Birthparents

When Problems Occur with BirthparentsEvery adoption is very emotional, both for adoptive parents and for birthparents. Even though your relationship with birthparents can be amazing in the beginning, it is not rare that problems arise later on. So what do you do when you have problems with birthparents? Having emotional and psychological issues isn’t strange or unusual, so here are a few tips you can try if you want to understand and get along better with birthparents.

1. Offer your support.  One of the most difficult periods for everyone involved in an adoption process is the first year after the adoption. During this period, problems with birthparents may occur. Sometimes, it’s too hard for them since they may be dealing with feelings of grief and loss. Maybe they want to step back for a while and it’s too hard for them to see their child or adoptive parents. This situation can be hard for adoptive parents. Try to understand how birthparents are feeling. You can offer your support and try to contact them.

2. Set up boundaries.  Within the first few months or year of placement, birthparents may become demanding and needy. This means they may insist on a lot more contact with their child or with the adoptive parents. If you’re not comfortable with this, you should talk to birthparents and set up some boundaries. Make a plan about visits and calls and let the birthparents know you’re not comfortable when they’re calling or visiting too often. Sometimes, it’s hard to define the role of birthparents  after the adoption. But, you should be flexible and negotiate changes since it’s important that you do what is best for your child.

3. Realize that life changes.  Your situation is going to change as you move on through life. You may even find yourself cutting back on contact with birthparents. It all depends on how your life has changed, but maybe you don’t want to talk to them because you’re upset or tired. Even if they don’t realize that life situations change, they’ll have to accept that.

4. Do what is best for your child.  Their lives are also going to change, and you’ll need to accept that. You can always renegotiate on how much time they’re going to spend with the child. But, remember that you always need to do what is best for your child.In any case, the key to maintaining a good relationship with birthparents is open and honest communication. If that fails, it is not unusual to seek counsel and resolve your problems with birthparents that way.

In any case, the key to maintaining a good relationship with birthparents is open and honest communication. If that fails, it is not unusual to seek counsel and resolve your problems with birthparents that way.