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Dear Birthmother: Writing the Perfect Letter

Questions to ask an adoption agencyBirthmothers often have many family profiles to evaluate before making their choice, so you want your letter to stand out. It’s the part of your profile that allows your personality and love to really shine through. So where do you start?

To take some of the stress out of crafting the right Dear Birthmother letter, try following some of these tips:

Aim for making a connection.

The adoption process can create a lot of anxiety for both adoptive parents and birthmothers. As stressful as this is for you, keep in mind that the birthmother is going through a lot during this time, as well. Be sensitive to the fact that she is facing difficult decisions and if possible, try to offer some gentle words of comfort and understanding.

Tell her what you can offer.

One of the most comforting things for her is to know her baby is going to have a wonderful life. Share what you have to offer as a parent. Include details about your loving home and your life. Try to demonstrate how you can provide a healthy environment for the baby to grow up with boundless opportunities.

Show your love.

Be personal, open and honest. You want to convey to the birthmother that you have a good heart full of love and warmth. Show her that you understand the responsibilities of welcoming this baby into your life and that you are completely prepared for all that entails.

Put yourself in her position.

What would you want to hear from the family who will be raising your baby? Try to think of what may be going through her mind and make the letter unique. Again, she is reading through a lot of these, you want to make it stand out with your own personal touch.

Think about the future.

You are going to be making a long-term commitment with her as well as the baby, at least to some degree. Try to include some of your thoughts on how you will plan for the baby’s future and maybe touch on how she may still be a part of major milestones. You’re not setting lifelong parameters quite yet, you’re just trying to remind her that you want what’s best for everyone involved in this adoption.

Include a photo.

Let the birthmother see that love and warmth shine through in a happy photo of you. Make sure any photos are high quality and set in a positive location, maybe in your home or a favorite vacation spot. Help her to visualize the happiness in her baby’s future.

Stay calm and positive

Don’t let writing a Dear Birthmother letter get too overwhelming for you. If you think too hard about what to say and what not to say, your nervousness can seep out into your letter. Wait until you are in a calm, relaxed state of mind to tackle a first draft. Think about filling your life with the joy of your new baby for inspiration. If you’re still hitting a wall with your words, walk away for a little while and do something different. Take a break, take a deep breath, and write from your heart.