How to Write the Perfect “Dear Birthmother” Letter

Adoptive parents who are just starting the adoption process have a lot of work to do. One big task is writing a Dear Birthmother letter. They want it to present them in the best light, so it's not always easy to write one.

The Dear Birthmother letter is usually featured at the top and/or on the first page of your adoptive family profile. Birthmothers usually read through many profiles before choosing a family, and that's why adoptive parents should aim for their letter to stand out. It's normal that adoptive parents feel anxiety before writing this letter, but we know you can do it! Here are some tips for writing it that will ease your stress.

Tell what you can offer a child.

It's not enough to tell a birthmother what led you to adoption or why you want to be a parent. You should use part of this letter to reassure a birthmother by explaining what you have to offer her baby. A birthmother wants to know that her baby will grow up in a safe and secure environment, have many opportunities for a happy and fulfilling life, and most of all, that he or she will be loved. Using your unique words and voice, be sure to convey what you will provide a baby if that birthmother were to choose you.

Connect with the birthmother.

You may be tempted to go on and on about yourself in your Dear Birthmother letter, but ignoring any mention of the birthmother can come across as selfish and you may fail to make a connection as a result. It's important to recognize the difficult and emotional situation a birthmother is in. Statements like “I know this must be hard for you” or “This must be the hardest decision of your life” are good ways to start, but they can be overused. Think of a unique way to convey this sentiment and your other feelings towards her so your letter stands out from the rest.

Let your personality shine through.

Keep in mind that a birthmother will likely be reading a great deal of these letters, so it's important that your Dear Birthmother letter shows what makes you unique. Write from your heart, and don't be afraid to let your personality, warmth, sense of humor, and spirit come through.

Mention places in your life where the baby will fit.

When talking about your hobbies, interests, family traditions, and day-to-day life, don't forget to mention how your future child will fit in and what you're looking forward to doing with him or her. This will help a birthmother get a more well-rounded idea of what her baby's life will be like. It also shows her that you are prepared to welcome a baby into your life.

Take a great main photo.

A well-written Dear Birthmother letter is key, but it's also incredibly important to have eye-catching photos. Your main photo is a birthmother's first impression of you before they read your letter. Choose high-quality photos with good lighting that aren't blurry. If possible, ask a friend or professional photographer to take a few nice photos of yourselves to include in your profile.