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After the Adoption: What to Expect as a Birthmother

a birthmother considering the pros and cons of adoptionOftentimes birthmothers become so focused on the act of adoption, especially because unplanned pregnancy can be such a shock to the system, that the thoughts of life post-adoption get pushed aside. This can leave the birth mother in a dark place once the adoption has been finalized, and that can make moving forward a difficult task. When choosing adoption for your baby it is important to spare a thought to the future, and have plans in place to help you cope with an understandably difficult time. 

In this article we’ll be exploring some of the things you may expect from life once your adoption has been finalized. 

Worrying About Your Decision
After the adoption, you may worry whether you have made the right decision. This is a perfectly natural part of the grieving and healing process. Surround yourself with people who can reaffirm you have made the right decision, and who will remind you of your selfless act of love for your baby who is now being raised in a loving and nurturing environment. Try to enforce this mantra in your own head too, as this will help you quash negative thought cycles. 

Emotions
You may find you get completely caught off guard with the onslaught of emotions you feel. Feelings of grief, guilt, and loss are all feelings that adoptive mothers can go through. These feelings can be especially surprising if this is your first child, as you have little point of reference or past experiences. What is important to remember is that it is okay to express your emotions. You don’t need to keep them locked up inside or put on a mask of being okay. Sometimes having a good cry can be the best medicine.

Negative Individuals
This may not be the case for some birthmothers, but other birthmothers sadly experience negativity from friends or family. Some well-meaning family members may still not forgive you for an unplanned pregnancy and may scold you for ‘getting yourself into this situation in the first place’, even though you should know that you have done nothing wrong, and everything happens for a reason! You may also face negativity from friends or family members who disagree with your decision to place your child for adoption. 

Where possible, remove yourself from this negativity, if you live at home, stay with a friend a while, or visit support groups that can give you an outlet to express what you’re dealing with. Overall it is essential to remember that placing a child for adoption is the bravest, most loving, and most selfless acts a mother can make, and you should be celebrated for this, not punished. 

Feeling Lost
After the adoption, many birth mothers can often feel lost, as though they no longer know who they are or what their purpose is. At this time it is important to take steps to find yourself again. You may find it helpful to connect with other birthmoms via social media or social groups. Another great way to find purpose again is to take on a new hobby, as this will give you a new focus as well as an outlet when things get too much. 

Moving Forward
No matter what hurdles you may face post-adoption, always try to tackle them head on. Repressing or hiding thoughts and feelings doesn’t solve them, and instead can make them much more difficult to overcome.