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5 Important Questions for Birthmothers to Consider

iStock_000000930817XSmallIndividuals facing an unplanned pregnancy who wish to place their child up for adoption have a weighty decision on their hands. They want to make the best decision for their personal life and child. This could cause a host of emotions ranging from hope to utter confusion.

Some mothers facing this dilemma may worry if they’re being selfish, especially if they have the financial means to care for a child. Others may worry about who the child might end up with. Others just want to make sure they’re making the best decision possible.

Only you can decide which decision is best for you. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consider the parameters surrounding this decision. If you’re considering adoption placement, consider these important questions:

Are There Different Forms of Adoption?

Adoption used to be perceived as a sealed envelope; the birth family a mystery never to be solved by the adopted child. However, there are several agencies that offer different forms of adoption. Now, many birth families are able to have supervised contact with their child. Depending on your goals as a birthmother, you can choose the type of adoption that works for you and your needs.  

Do  I Choose the Family My Child Goes With?

Yes. Birthparents have the opportunity to select the best family for their child. You can determine your specific preferences and discuss those with the agency. After careful consideration, you’ll have the final say in where your child goes. 

Will My Child Resent Me?

Unfortunately, this is an answer that varies from child to child. Some children are thankful for their parent’s choice. Others may feel a pang of resentment. Fortunately, there are several resources for children to tap into once their curiosities begin to set in. Should they start to feel resentful, there are tools available to help them cope with their emotions. Although this doesn’t take away from your curiosity, it does provide some form of comfort. 

How Can I Cope With This Transition?

During the adoption process, birthparents have the opportunity to receive counseling. This will help them process this huge change in a positive manner. In addition, there are several peer-to-peer support groups that help birthparents navigate this process. Taking advantage of these resources is key to enduring this complicated process.

Will My Community Understand My Decision?

Many people wonder if those around them will support their decision. Unfortunately, the answer to this question greatly depends on the person and their situation. There will be some people within your direct circle who don’t agree with your choice. However, there will be some who are 100% supportive. No matter their stance, you should only be concerned with your perspective. If you’re comfortable with the decision you’re making, that’s all the validation you need to live a happy and fulfilling life. 

Making the decision to place your child up for adoption is a personal one; one that requires careful consideration. It’s best to deeply reflect on the pros and cons in order to make the best decision for you and your baby.