For prospective adoptive parents hoping to connect with a birthmother, few situations are more nerve-wracking than the first meeting. Whether you plan to meet in person or over the phone, knowing ahead of time what to ask (and what not to ask) can take the edge off and help you make the most of this opportunity to get know her better.
Keep in mind that the stress is certainly not one-sided. The birthmother is just as nervous to meet you as you are to meet her. To help ease you into this initial encounter, Angel Adoption has compiled a list of questions every adoptive parent should ask a birthmother.
Questions to Ask:
- When is your baby due?
- Are you feeling okay?
- When did you start thinking about adoption?
- How does the birthfather feel about the pregnancy?
- How does the birthfather feel about adoption?
- How did you choose Angel Adoption?
- How do your parents feel about your pregnancy and adoption?
- What plans do you have after placement? (school, work, etc)
- What is your favorite subject in school?
- What are some your favorite hobbies?
- What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
These questions are personal and attentive. They show that you truly care about her life both during her pregnancy and after, and that you are solely interested in getting to know her better. Notice the appropriateness of the questions. They do not overstep any boundaries, nor do they imply any assumptions you have made before the meeting.
Of course you may have other questions we did not mention. Run these by your adoption coordinator or adoption social worker before asking. They can help you decide whether the questions are appropriate, or help you rephrase them if needed. Personal questions pertaining to how she became pregnant or why the birthfather is out of the picture should never be handled by the adoptive parents, but only by the adoption social worker.
At the end of the talk, ask the birthmother if there is anything you haven’t touched on. This simple question can result in valuable information you have not considered. Should you need any assistance preparing for a meeting with a birthmother, or just have questions about baby adoption, our door is always open. We look forward to making your dream of adoption a reality!