No matter the type of adoption: domestic, international, or foster care, or whether its open, semi-open, or closed, placing a child for adoption is the most difficult time in any mothers life. This decision is often made out of tough circumstances and is a selfless sacrifice of love for their child and should never be forgotten or taken for granted by adoptive parents. In this article we’ll be giving a voice to birth mothers and telling you the things they want adoptive parents to know.
The Experience of Placing their Child
Birth mothers want you to take a step back and think as them for a moment. They have carried a baby inside them each and every day for 9 months, or might even have been parent or sole care-giver to that child for a period of time, and are now need to relinquish this magical bond, for whatever reason. They will have to return to an empty home with emptier arms so you can bring your bundle of joy back to yours and start your lives together.
This is a selfless decision born out of love for the child, but it can often leave birth mothers feeling guilty or lonesome. Therefore if your adoption is open, adoptive parents should attempt to step up and support the birth mother in this time of hardship. Show your gratitude to her for her gift, and cherish her baby as she would.
Why She Chose You
Think about why the birth mother may have chosen you over the many other prospective parents looking to start a family. This may be because of your beliefs surrounding adoption, life, parenting, culture, or faith, so it is important to uphold what you shared in your adoption statement.
Birth mothers also want you to know that if they decline you, or cannot go through with the adoption that is isn’t a slight or an intentional rejection to you as people. The birth mom is so grateful that you took the time and interest in her child, but just feels that there is a better match for her child and the way in which she wants them to be raised.
How You Can Help Her
Birth moms want you to know how you can help them, particularly when it comes to the birth, hospital stay, and post adoption. Adoptive parents can get easily over excited when it comes to the birth of their prospective child, which can lead to the mother feeling neglected. Birth mothers are still people. Until the paperwork is signed, they are also the legal guardian and parent of the baby, and should be treated with respect and care.
Remember, this is a very difficult time for the birth mother, so you shouldn’t leave her feeling alone or rejected. Acknowledge her, thank her, check on how she is feeling, and most importantly listen to her. If it is her wish for the adoption to be open, then give her the time to bond with the child, as well as make ties with you, the new parents of her baby.