How it All Began...
How did you decide to adopt a baby?
We had a long battle with infertility, including doing rounds of IVF and donor eggs. We finally got pregnant, and miscarried. We had talked about adoption and looked into it at one point, but hadn’t found the right agency. When my husband met someone who referred us to Angel, and we interviewed, we knew we found the agency for us.
Why did you choose to work with Angel Adoption?
We had talked with a larger agency, and felt like just a number to them. When we looked at Angel, and then interviewed, we felt they would be our advocates through the process, and would treat us with personalized care. Having a team that has themselves adopted made us feel like they knew this road, and would be very good at leading us through the many twists and turns adoption has.
What were you most excited about?
At first, we were excited to get started, and be able to do something that would lead us to our child. You have a feeling of accomplishment getting the paperwork done and creating your profile. And then, once you are available to potential birthmothers, it’s so exciting to think about all the things you’ll need to get ready when you’re chosen, and the fun you’ll have with your child.
What were you most nervous about?
I think we felt the most unsure of the process of finding a birthmother. You don’t have any control over what someone may like or not like about your profile, and you don’t know what will make them want you to be the parents of their child. In the end, it’s rather silly. What’s meant to be will be.
How did your friends and family react to your decision to adopt?
Our family and friends were incredibly supportive. They knew our struggles, and were behind us 1000%. Brian’s mother is adopted, so she knew how important this decision was, and is able to talk with our boys when they grow older about being adopted and act as a resource.
What was it like meeting the birthmother for the first time?
We flew to her state to meet her, and decided our meeting would be at the parents’ house of her friend. When she walked in, she had a little cake with her, that would tell us the gender of the babies (there were twins!). It was so thoughtful to give us this special moment. After, we went to dinner and ended up talking for hours. It was a very comfortable, easy meeting.
Did you choose an open or closed adoption? How did you make that decision?
Originally, we went into it thinking we would be semi-open. We’d share pictures and emails, and maybe someday, visits. But after we met our birthmom, that all changed. We felt so comfortable, and the relationship we built over the next few months was strong, so we knew we’d be open to more communication.
Describe receiving the call that your babies were being born and traveling to meet them.
Before the boys were born, our birthmom asked that we come for their birth. We were so excited! Just a couple of weeks before they were born, she asked if I’d like to be in the room when they were born. I was over the moon! So we went to her state a couple of days prior to their birth (it was scheduled), spent some time together, and then went to the hospital together.
Describe the experience of finally meeting your babies.
Since I was able to be in the delivery room, as the nurses finished with each baby, I was able to hold them in my arms. It was such a surreal moment. I was able to walk out of the delivery room and show Brian his sons. We immediately went from a couple to a family. And it felt absolutely comfortable. Like they were meant to be ours.
What is your relationship like with the birthmother?
Our relationship is great. We have a big sister/little sister relationship. We see her a few times a year, and are in constant contact. As the boys grow, she will be a part of their life.
What were the biggest challenges of the adoption process?
Probably the biggest challenge is that so much of what happens is out of your control. You can get all the paperwork done, have your home study approved, and then it’s out of your hands. You have to just wait until it happens. And you also have to be open to things you thought you wouldn’t be. As I said, we thought we’d want a semi-open adoption, but in the end, ours is very open.
Adopting a baby can be a lengthy process - how did you get through the wait?
Thankfully, our wait wasn’t as long as some have had. We matched only 5 months into the process, but we had to wait almost 6 months for the boys to be born. But as we waited, we decided to have a summer of fun and do all of the things we knew we wouldn’t be able to do once we had a baby. So we spent time going to concerts and fairs, having long dinners out, and taking little trips. It was just what we needed!
Would you adopt again? Why or why not?
The short answer is yes. Because we were blessed with twins, we feel our family is complete. But, if we only had one, we would be adopting again. And, if the right situation were ever to come up now, we would definitely consider it.
Do you have any advice to share with other adoptive parents?
I get questions quite frequently from prospective adoptive parents and I have a few things I always share:
- Keep copies of everything you do. You'll be asked for the same things from multiple places and it's just easier. This includes your driver's license and birth certificates.
- Be prepared for anything! You'll go into this with things decided and something will happen that you'll have to decide on that wasn't what you were thinking and they need a decision quickly. Here's an example: you decide to provide support to a birthmom of $500 a month. She needs car repairs that cost $800 and the agency asks if you'll help her. What do you do? Another is you think you want to have a semi-open adoption, with limited contact. But you meet your birthmom and hit it off. Are you willing to be more open? These are real decisions. So be prepared and know what you want to do, but be flexible at the same time.
- The wait is the worst time. All of the paperwork is done, and everything is out of your control. Keep yourself busy and don't let it consume you. This is much easier said than done, believe me. We decided while we waited to have a summer of fun and do all the things we knew we wouldn't do if we had a newborn. That helped so much!