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Gaining an Extended Family

Gaining an Extended Family

We’ve always wanted to have children and tried fertility treatments unsuccessfully for about five years. During that time, we experienced many emotional ups and downs. At some point, we decided to take a break from it all. We needed to recuperate. We took a few years off from expanding our family and really enjoyed our life. We traveled and enjoyed our marriage. When we started to think about expanding our family again, we approached the process with hope but let go of all of our original expectations.

We began by researching adoption through the foster care system. We thought it was not a good fit for how we wanted to start our family though. One day we just decided private adoption was the avenue we wanted to pursue. We didn’t look back.

When we connected with Millie’s birthmother, we saw right away we were so alike. We had similar tastes and similar opinions. We communicated every day during the two to three months before Millie’s due date. For every doctor’s appointment, she would send us the sonogram pictures.

She was so honest and open about her feelings about the adoption that we had no doubt about her ability to go through with the process. We had confidence in her, and in turn, she had confidence in us as parents. We became such good friends. We even had a nickname for her: Mama K.

Mama K had high blood pressure. Even though her due date was in July, eventually the doctors decided on a C-section in June. We drove out to where she was, and they waited for us to get there to start the procedure. Jessica was there in the room with Mama K’s mom to support her delivery. After the delivery, the nurses cleaned Millie up and handed her to Jessica.

Jessica couldn’t believe Millie was finally here. She did skin to skin with her immediately. While Mama K was recuperating the best she could, we went to visit her every day. It was beautiful how the entire hospital stay felt like we were supporting a member of our extended family.

By the time we came home with Millie, we had all become an extended family. Before we went home with Millie, though, we went to visit her and met Millie’s four sisters. It was a wonderful visit. We had a great day with them all and adored them; we cannot wait for future get-togethers. We didn’t know what it was going to be like, but now we know it’s very much about gaining an extended family.

At the beginning of the connection, Mama K told us, “I can’t imagine having anyone else being her parents. I made absolutely the best choice in picking you.” We weren’t sure how we were going to live up to being the best parents for Millie, but now we know what she meant by the “best choice” was really about us being the best choice as members of her extended family. We were meant to be together.

We wholeheartedly believe the best thing we’ve done through this adoption process was to make an effort to connect with Mama K. She, her family, and Millie made this process very special for us.