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How it All Began...

My Journey into Parenthood

I would like to say that my journey to becoming a mom was one of ease and simplicity, but the path that got me where I am now was a bit bumpy. In 2014 I was involved in a serious car accident that truly changed my perspective and outlook on life. I knew that I wanted to be a mom more than anything, so once I healed, I began pursuing my options. After attempting to conceive through fertility treatments, I was met with the news that I was unable to become pregnant. I had always had adoption as part of my plan and now I knew that this was the path meant for me. I began my research, looking into different adoption agencies and what they had to offer. I really loved that Angel was a smaller agency, and most importantly, they specialized in domestic infant adoption. When I shared the news of my plans to adopt, my family was incredibly supportive and happy for me. They were a great source of strength for me during this entire process.

Waiting and Waiting

When I signed on with Angel, I was so excited to be moving closer to my dreams of becoming a mother. I was feeling optimistic and hopeful as Angel’s placement rate was extremely high. As the weeks turned into months, the wait began to weigh on me. I began worrying, wondering if the fact that I was a single woman would hurt my chances for being chosen by an expectant mother. My need for answers was met with support from the staff but with no communication from an expectant mother for close to two years.

In September of 2018, as I was beginning to attempt to make peace with the fact that I wasn't meant to be a mother, I received an email that changed my life forever. The email from Angel staff detailed information about a birthmother who was looking for a family as she entered her third trimester. We began talking, and we truly clicked from the moment we spoke. Within two days of speaking, we moved forward with hiring services and beginning the process of creating an adoption plan. Over the next few months, we talked on the phone and via Skype a couple of times. She was due in January, so I began to plan for my stay there and arranged to rent an Airbnb while I was in town.

Pure Joy

Her due date kept changing, so I found it difficult to truly plan anything concrete. Last I knew, she was due January 19, so I was surprised to get a call on January 2 that she was in active labor. I went into a panic, packing my belongings as my mom helped me book flights for us. She and my aunt accompanied me on my trip to the birthmother’s state and were truly an amazing source of support during an incredibly nerve-wracking time. We were unable to fly out until the next morning and arrived at the hospital after he was born. When I walked into the room where the birthmother was with her family as well as the baby, I was overwhelmed with many different emotions. They handed me the baby, and the second I held him, I felt a love I have never experienced before. I was beaming from ear to ear. He was perfect. I remember saying, “Hi, Bud!” as I looked at the precious child I had waited so very long for. I was just overjoyed that he was in my arms, my son Darren.

Due to the hospital not being adoption friendly, things worked out differently in our situation. Following the advice of the social worker, we pursued signing termination of parental rights outside of the hospital. This ensured I was able to remain alongside Darren while we waited for the birthmother to be released. This was a very uneasy time for me. The birthfather wasn’t 100% on board with the idea of adoption, and the fact that the birthmother had time to change her mind was weighing heavily on my heart. It took a total of ten days before I was able to leave the state to return to my own with my son, Darren. During those ten days, there was a lot of back and forth, and I was petrified this would end with my getting on a plane to go home without my son. Thankfully, it all worked out in the end, and we were able to be cleared to leave to return home.

Life After Adoption

Darren’s birthmother was unclear about the type of adoption she was looking for In the beginning, it was semi-open, but she then wanted a more involved relationship. I do my best to honor her wishes, and I remain endlessly thankful for the selfless gift she has given me. I want my son to know where he came from, and so I will ensure to always tell him of her kindness. She told me how thankful she was she found someone to give Darren a good and loving home. I have not spoken to her in a few months now but know she will reach back out if and when she is ready.

When talking with my mom recently, I mentioned to her that I honestly cannot remember life before Darren. I don’t remember a day that didn’t include his sweet smiles and cute personality. The road to becoming a mom was one of many downs and many curve balls I wasn’t prepared for. In retrospect, every single moment of my journey was worth it. I am so happy and proud to be Darren’s mom, and I cherish watching him grow. I am so thankful for the support I had and continue to have from my family. He is surrounded by so many people who adore him.

I would like to tell you this was easy, but that would be a lie. I will tell you, though, don't lose hope. Trust and know with blind faith that there is and will be joy in the end. Surround yourself with those who support you, and your baby, the one who is meant especially for you and your family, will soon be in your arms.