Brian & Chris

A Traditional Family Is Possible

When we got married, we wanted a traditional family. We both were brought up in close families and wanted the same for ourselves. We knew having a child would complete our vision of a family. We started the process by exploring adoption through the foster system, but when that didn’t work out, we started exploring domestic infant adoption.

We were recommended to Angel by another agency that didn’t work in our state. We saw right away that Angel was caring, professional, and proactive in reaching out to us, so we decided to partner with them.

In the beginning of the process, we were so ready. We were optimistic and hopeful. We planned out every step we had to take and did it all. We prepared in every way—emotionally, financially, legally, and physically—for the adoption. Our family was so supportive and always saw us as being parents someday. We had been together for over 10 years, so they definitely thought it was time for us to expand our family.

The Heartbreak

Our first connection was with a young expectant mother. It was our first experience going through the adoption process, and we didn’t know what to expect. She didn’t ask for much, but she was extremely emotional and unstable. We provided as much emotional support to her as we could for six months, but as her due date approached, a lingering aspect of her background continued to threaten the adoption. At the last minute, we were faced with the prospect of depleting every resource we had for the slim chance the adoption would even go through. We decided to walk away.

The decision was agonizing, and we felt guilty for leaving her. We wanted the best for her, and most of all, we wanted the best for her child. But we knew if we didn’t walk away, it would not have been a good situation for any of us.

Months later, she contacted us and told us how grateful she was we had emotionally supported her leading up to the birth. At that point, we knew we had done the right thing for everyone.

Our Turn

The second expectant mother we connected with was great. She was very excited and due in only a month. However, just a few days after our first conversation with her, she went into labor. As soon as we got to the hospital, we were trying to get all the logistics done, meeting her, keeping an eye on our son’s condition, and figuring out everything with Angel and our lawyers. In some ways, we couldn’t enjoy the birth the way we wanted to. Despite all that, when we held our baby in our arms, we were simply smitten. We were overflowing with joy and shed a lot of tears that day.

Our Traditional Family

It’s been two years since we completed our family. As a gay couple, we had doubts we would become a traditional family unit. But throughout the process, everyone around us helped to alleviate our doubts. They were kind and supportive as they helped us through the process.

For gay couples that want a traditional family, it’s more than possible, but you have to be proactive about navigating this path. No one will hold your hand to the extent you may hope for, but everyone will help guide you if you take the lead. You just have to go with your gut instinct and try to be as practical as possible with all your judgements.

It’s hard to do when you are on an emotional rollercoaster, but it can be done. A week after our second connection, we completed our family. It was all because we had a vision for our family and we took all the necessary steps. Even under tremendous pressure, we were able to succeed. You can too.