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How To Talk to Your Parents About Finding Your Birth Family

As children grow older, they may come to their parents and want to know more about their birth family. This is a natural stage of life for many children who want to know more about who they are, but it can be a difficult thing to hear for their parents. Finding birth parents is a tricky issue to handle, especially if there is little information to share.

Throughout the process of finding birth parents, it’s important to understand that there may be many different emotions experienced by both parents and children alike. The best way to handle things is to keep up clear, honest and direct communication between all different sides. 

Why Do You Want This?

As a child, you may want to tell your parents why you want to learn more about who your birth parents are. Think about what has led you to this desire, and be honest about your motivations. Consider the following script for these motivations

 

  • I want to know more about my past
    “The bond we have as a family is unbreakable. While I am forever a part of this family, knowing who I am is important to me. Part of that means knowing about my past, like my birth parents, and knowing why I was adopted.”
  • I feel different
    “Because I am adopted, I am bonded in love but not biologically related to my parents. I would like to learn more about my birth parents so I can know more about what makes me feel different, like why I am so tall or have blue eyes.”
  • I have constant reunions
    “I often find myself searching in the crowd for someone who could be my brother, sister or even birthmother. Trying to find the people who share my blood is important to me.”

 

Manage Expectations

Finding birth parents is a journey that you may have great expectations for. Because there is often much that is unknown, there are a wide range of possibilities. Sometimes our expectations aren’t always met in our reunions, which can be a hard experience to process. It’s important to keep in mind that your birth parents are people too, and this reunion may be entirely unexpected to them.

Things may go poorly and your birth parents may not even want to meet at all. In this case, having the support structure of your family will help you process the negative emotions that may come. 

However, things may go very well! If you get the opportunity to meet your birth parents and you find that they are excited to introduce you to their life, you may want to consider including your family in the big reunion.

A Big Step

This is a big moment in a child’s life, and parents should be there to help them along. When moving through the search process, try to remember your motivations for reaching out to your birth parents. Try to communicate your thoughts and feelings with your parents throughout the process so that they can offer their help.

Even if it was a closed adoption, that does not mean that it is impossible to find your birthfamily. In fact, your family may have already started finding them before you bring up the idea to them.