How it All Began...
I Knew All Along
I always knew I wanted to be a mom and came to the realization early on that it would be very difficult to have my own biological children. Nevertheless, I continued on my life path, getting married and buying a home with the hopes of children following shortly after. After five plus years of marriage and a partner who did not have the same desire for children as I had, I made the decision to travel the path to parenthood on my own.
I began doing research on my options and looked into fostering as well as adoption. I tried going the route of adopting through foster care and ultimately walked away knowing working with an adoption agency would be the best option for me. I came across Angel Adoption twice while doing research and found the name interesting. I looked into it further and ultimately made the decision to work with them. Angel shared the same values I hold close to my heart, and I felt that this was the perfect place to work with. The diversity in families and the lack of discrimination against single women wanting to adopt was a key component in my decision.
The Ups and Downs
I spoke with at least nine different birthmothers. It all sounded very promising only to have it fall through later. I of course understood this was not an easy decision for them and did my best to rest easy knowing if this was meant to be, it would be. I was on the phone with Angel staff, being told once again a birthmother had changed her mind and would be parenting her child. I gave my thanks and was about to hang up when they said to wait; there was more news. She had another birthmother who had chosen me and was interested in setting up a time to talk. I got off the phone really hesitant and feeling emotionally drained. I silently said a prayer asking for this to be “the one” and then surrendered. I reached out to the birthmother with absolutely no expectations of how things would go. Later she told me via text she had chosen me and was sure of her decision.
I had the chance to meet her in person when I flew out to her state. We sat and talked for a few hours and learned a bit more about each other and her wishes for her unborn child. We truly connected not only on an emotional level but more so on a practical level. She was choosing adoption because she wanted the very best shot at life for her child and knew she would struggle to provide that. After our meeting, I walked away excited but still apprehensive, not allowing myself to fully attach knowing all too well she could change her mind. I had done everything I could do and trusted if it was meant to be, it would happen. Her due date was December 20, and right before Thanksgiving, she stopped all communication with me and the lawyers. I met with my lawyers on a Friday afternoon, and we decided to not make a decision until Monday to give her the weekend and then move forward with disconnection if we hadn’t heard from her. To my utter disbelief, I received a text at 9 a.m. on Sunday morning stating, “Miss Ruth, How fast can you be here?” It turns out the birthmother was in labor and wanted me there as soon as possible. I was in shock as I truly thought this connection was not going to work out.
All the Waiting Was Worth It
I quickly made my way to meet her at the hospital. I drove all day and night to get to the hospital and didn't stop until I got there. When I arrived, I was notified she had a baby boy. I was so excited and so honored to be in a position to care for this child and support the birthmother at the same time. Wanting to be respectful of her, I made sure to ask about her wellbeing and I joyfully agreed to accompany her to meet the child she had just given birth to. We were brought to see this precious baby boy, it was like I was dreaming. It was 100% love at first sight. He was the answer, blessing, and miracle that came forth after all the hardships I had endured. Finally it was all worth it. I spent a few minutes with the birthmother, who held him for a couple minutes before leaving and discharging from the hospital. Together we chose his name, Grayson. I couldn't believe this moment had arrived; there are no words for the joy I experienced.
Although I was terrified and worried she would change her mind, knowing she had five days to decide, I decided to focus my energy on Grayson and let the attorneys worry about everything else. During that time, I sat with him and held him, listened to music, read him books, and told him how much he was loved. Three weeks later, baby Grayson made it home. Bringing baby Grayson home and welcoming him into the family was the happiest day of my life. All past obstacles and hurts along my journey into parenthood seemed to melt away as I embraced my new role as a mom.
Reflections on My Journey
All the ups and downs and uncertainties washed away the moment I met Grayson. Welcoming him home to his new family has been one of the most humbling experiences. My friends have been my lifeline, and although it is so hard for me to accept help, I would not be able to walk this path without them. They have done everything from arrange meals for me to making sure my dog gets walked. I knew when I became a mom, I would need a village. I just didn't know how big my village was.
If I could share any insights, it would be to surrender to the uncertainty. It isn't a cookie-cutter process, and it’s important to remember the birthmothers are dealing with so much uncertainty and unknown. Giving them the space to fully come to a decision that feels right to them is important. Keep living your life. Take the trip, do the project, and live life to the fullest, and do not lose hope. What is meant to be yours will always be yours. If you started on your journey with the desire coming from your heart, I believe the Universe will answer as it knows your true intention and will happily align the stars for you.