Coping with a Failed Adoption
Tips for keeping the dream of a child alive after a failed adoption…
Allow your friends to help you.
Let your partner grieve in his or her own way.
Though your husband may not break down in tears five times a day, don't underestimate his pain. Do not expect him to embrace his male friends and collapse into sobs. It may happen, but it is not likely. Know which of your friends will listen and hold you and which ones will, unfortunately, want to solve your problem. Seek out women who have been through miscarriages or infant deaths, or other couples who have suffered failed placements. Their wisdom will be invaluable to you as you try to imagine your future.
Almost anyone who has considered adoption has considered God to be a part of the equation. When you face infertility or loss, the acknowledgment of a higher power is inevitable. The inability to control our environment and, consequently, our circumstances leads us to the ultimate question: is there a God? And if so, why would He allow this to happen? The key element here is that God is a player in grieving, whether He is ever identified as one or not. If, like me, you believe that God is sovereign, why hold back your feelings-he is aware of them!
It's a mistake to think that these suggestions will bring instantaneous and complete relief. Only time will do that. But your approach to grieving can determine whether you are going to be deeply depressed or extremely sad, despondent and bitter or disappointed and frustrated, fearful and doubting or able to trust again. Most importantly, will you be able to dream of a child and re-risk the rejection, the failure, the heartache?