How it All Began...
How did you decide to adopt a baby?
I was adopted at five weeks old and my brother was adopted when he was nine months old, so adoption has always been really special to our family. I met my birthmother when I was 19 and we have had a relationship for over 20 years. I always knew I wanted to adopt, but I thought it would be something I did with a spouse. When it became clear that marriage was not in God’s plan for me, I decided to pursue adoption on my own. I always wanted to be a mom and knew I had a lot of love to give a child. I also knew I would be able to help my future child understand how special it is to be adopted and that it is something to be celebrated.
Why did you choose to work with Angel Adoption?
Being a single person, there were a lot of agencies that would not work with me or told me I would be the only single people they worked with. That made me really nervous. Angel, however, had a great placement record and their reviews were so positive. When talking to them, I felt like I was talking to a friend. It just felt natural and that this agency was the one I was supposed to work with.
What were your feelings as you began your adoption journey?
I was excited, hopeful, and a little nervous. I was ready for it to happen right away, but it didn’t. I had to adjust my expectations and work hard on being patient. I was just so ready. I worked on preparing what I could and being patient with things I could not control.
How did your friends and family react to your decision to adopt?
My parents were very excited. This would be their first grandchild and they knew the excitement of the adoption process. My other family and friends were very supportive. One of my friends asked my dad if he was surprised by my decision to adopt as a single mom. He said, “No, she has wanted to do this since she was little.”
What was it like meeting your son’s birthmother?
I was not able to meet Kian’s birthmother. She did write me a nice letter while we were both at the hospital, and she also wrote one for Kian that I have in his baby book to read to him.
Did you choose an open or closed adoption?
I left that choice up to Kian’s birthmother. I was open to either. In her letters, she stated it was too hard for her to meet me. She did go see Kian several times while we were all at the hospital. She also texted me after he was born, but we have not had any other contact. I am leaving that up to her and am hopeful we can meet in person someday.
Describe receiving the call about your son’s birthmother.
I remember that day vividly. Just two days before, I had told my parents I couldn’t possibly wait any longer. I was almost at the end of my contract and starting to lose hope. I was at work when I got a call from Angel with information about an expectant mother who was due in just 12 days. I knew I was ready but also knew there would be a lot to do in a short amount of time. It was hard not to get my hopes up and I get excited. It turns out my son wasn’t born for another 23 days. Those days went by fast and slow at the same time.
Describe the experience of finally meeting your baby.
I had a room in the hospital he was born at. The adoption liaison working with me and the birthmother texted me that he was born and sent a video and picture. I did not know he was a boy until her text. I read it to my parents and then burst into tears. My son had some complications with delivery, so it wasn’t until about an hour after he was born that I got to see him. The nurse wheeled him into the room. I looked at him and with tears in my eyes and said, “Hi Kian, I’m your mommy.” The nurses were all crying with me. One of them finally prompted me to pick him up. I looked at him and was instantly in love.
What were the biggest challenges of the adoption process?
The waiting. I am not a patient person. This was a big test of my patience. I was ready to go right away, but God had another plan. I went through five failed connections. It was hard to get my hopes up each time and then not have things work out. It helped to have the coordinators at Angel to talk to. They listened to me vent my frustrations a lot. They were supportive and patient and reminded me that my baby was out there and to just keep holding on a little longer. It was worth it and good practice in patience for being a mom.
Adoption can be a lengthy process — how did you get through the wait?
I tried to focus on what I could control. I prepared my home and bought items I would need for the baby. I also had a good group of friends who made sure I went out and didn’t just sit home and focus on waiting for a baby. I made plans for concerts, trips, and other things. I prayed a lot and had a support system that allowed me to talk about my impatience and frustrations, cry, and then move forward. That was the most helpful thing.
Would you adopt again?
At this time, I don’t think so. I don’t know that I could put myself through the ups and downs of the process again. I also think that being a single mom and having one child is enough for now, but I would consider it if the right opportunity came.
What advice do you have to share with other adoptive parents?
Be patient. I promise when you hold that little one in your arms, all the details, worries, and frustrations will vanish. Don’t get too worried about the little details and things you can’t control. Enjoy your time as a single person or a couple. Continue to live your life, make fun plans, and do fun things. Get a great support system of people who will cry with you if a connection doesn’t work out. Talk to your Angel staff and trust in the process. No matter how long it takes, it is the BEST thing that will happen when the baby is placed in your arms.