Genetics vs. Adoption

According to some studies, most infants adopted before the age of nine months (and possibly even later) will take to their new parents as if they were born to them, developing an attachment to the adoptive parent as they would have to their birthparents.

Children who are a bit older at placement have a history of relationships. Those connections may be to the birth mother, foster parents, foster siblings, or anyone else who cared for them and was important to them. Such ties do not present a barrier to the establishment and strengthening of your own bonds with your child, but it is useful to take them into account. As your child grows up, they may become part of his or her fantasies and may influence some behavior. Even children adopted at birth will have thoughts about their birth parents. This is not only perfectly normal but necessary in developing a clear and strong identity.

My husband and I are both high intellectual achievers. How can we ensure that our adopted child measures up to our standards?

You will have a substantial influence on your child's intellectual development but your child may not ever achieve as you do. It's generally thought that a good environment can raise a child's I.Q. by as much as 15 points. That means lots of praise and encouragement from you. But no child will be able to exceed his own genetic potential. That means that both of his parents scored in the average range on an I.Q. test (about 100), your family environment could make it possible, on average, for his score to be 15 or so points higher than his siblings who remained with his birth parents. If your I.Q. scores are in the 130 or above range, that might not seem like very much since his score would more likely range from 115 to 120 or so. Part of the job of being a parent is coming to terms with that, taking pleasure in helping your child achieve whatever they can. But bear in mind that even if you give birth to a child, there is a phenomenon that statisticians call "regression to the mean" to content with. If you're both extremely bright, chances are that even a birth child would not quite reach your level, although he would be very bright compared to other children. Each child comes into the world with their own special gift and it's up to us to mold, shape, and develop their future with them!